From the Melville Cat: A Kitten in My Castle

Dear readers,

A kitten has invaded my home.

Please help.

Sincerely, The Melville Cat

Several days ago, Heather came into my house with a large crate. I peered between the bars and hissed with disdain: Inside were several piles of squirmy, dun-colored fluff.

Four young felines? Five? I couldn’t count.

“They’re from Hillbrow,” Heather told me. “Remember the other kitten I brought from Hillbrow, many years ago?”

I have never been to Hillbrow. I do not remember, nor do I care.

An hour later Heather left the house and took the crate with her. I was relieved.

Alas, she returned the next day. This time she emptied the crate of Hillbrow fluff onto my bathroom rug.

There were three young felines. I could see their noses and paws through the crack under the bathroom door.

Heather spent lots of time in the bathroom. Sometimes she took other humans in with her. I heard them squealing and laughing through the closed door.

I was not allowed to go into the bathroom. Not that I even would have cared to.

A day or two later, a human woman came and left with one of the fluff balls. Another fluff ball left the next day. I assumed eventually they would all be gone.

Then one evening I came home and found a small feline roaming freely throughout my house.

Trixie the Kitten (Menace)

“Her name is Trixie,” Heather said. “Isn’t she sweet?”

I snorted.

Heather thinks I need a companion. “You’re getting older now,” she said. “It will be good for you to show this kitten the ropes. She’ll be good company and she’ll keep you on your toes.”

Hmmph. Why must I show this fluff ball the ropes? And anyway, what ropes? And anyway, I don’t have toes, I have claws. I have no problem whatsoever staying on them.

I’ve been largely avoiding the house since the invasion of Trixie the kitten. I come inside two to three times a day, to eat and inspect the premises. The kitten is always there.

Each time I greet her politely, nose to nose, and then recline onto the cool tile floor. Each time, Trixie tries to attack my tail (how rude) and I am compelled to discipline her with a hiss and a swat. I then depart the house through the cat flap, which Trixie is not smart enough or strong enough to use.

Heather says I’ll get used to Trixie eventually. I have my doubts.

However, I have decided to let the fluff ball dine with me.

That’s all I have to say about Trixie the kitten (menace) for now. But I do have one other piece of news:

In addition to bringing a dun-colored feline fluffball into the house, Heather has also brought a human man.

I like Kevin the human man quite a lot. He can stay.

But I wish Trixie the fluff ball would go.

Hmmph.