Men on Tinder: Read This

Okay people. It’s time to talk about dating apps.

If you’re using a dating app like Tinder – or considering doing so – read to the end of this post. You could win a free dating app profile consultation and photoshoot.

I avoided the dating app scene for ages. The whole concept terrified me. But I have several friends who are using dating apps – Tinder most commonly – or have used them in the past, and while the feedback wasn’t 100% positive I’d heard a few success stories.

So a couple of weeks ago I swallowed my fear and downloaded the app. I chose a few photos, wrote a bio, and bam: I was on Tinder.

I thought I’d swipe on a few profiles, have some nice chats, block a few creeps, maybe go on a couple of dates. And much of that did happen, except for the dating part – I haven’t gone on a single Tinder date yet. But that’s a story for another post.

Anyway. The main thing I’ve done while browsing Tinder is laugh.

I don’t laugh because the men are witty (although a small percentage of them are). I laugh because many of the men’s profiles are – to be quite frank – awful.

Over and over, as I swipe left, I find myself wishing Tinder had a private comment section in which I could provide constructive criticism to people about how to make their profiles look and read better. Just a bit of advice from a professional online communicator, to be taken or left as the recipient sees fit.

I began screenshotting the worst offenders for future reference.

Unsolicited Advice to the Men of Tinder

Here are a few things I wish I could say to some of the men I’ve encountered on Tinder and Bumble, a similar dating app.

[Disclaimer: I’m a heterosexual woman, hence the profiles I see belong to heterosexual men. So I have to pick on the men here, even though I’m sure there are lots of funny/bad women’s profiles, too. #SorryNotSorry.]

You’ll see I’ve carefully removed all identifying characteristics from the screenshots below.

And the number one piece of advice I want to give to the men I encounter on Tinder: PROOFREAD.

A few more tips I’ve yearned to give, again and again:

1. Smile.
2. Take off your shades.
3. Don’t say you’re 42 when you’re obviously 60.
4. No photos of you petting a lion cub/tiger cub/cheetah. (If you’re wondering why, read this.)
5. Write a bio. Profiles without words are boring.
6. Avoid clichés like “Love the great outdoors”, “No baggage” (ha!), “Enjoy long walks barefoot on the beach” (really?), and “Looking for a partner in crime.” (That last one is my worst.)
7. Try not to look like a serial killer.

Need Help With Your Tinder Profile?

As I fantacized about this mythical Tinder comment section, I began developing a second fantasy: To start a business helping people improve their dating app profiles. I may not be good at dating, but I damn sure know how to write a good paragraph and shoot a good portrait.

I mentioned the idea to my friend Frances, a fellow photographer and social media professional who knows her way around the dating apps. She told me she’s been entertaining the very same fantasy. And we thought: Wait, we should actually do this.

So we’re turning our fantasy into reality. We’re going to make Tinder a better place for everyone – hallelujah! Please join us in our quest.

To get things rolling we’ve decided to provide five free sessions to potential online daters – both women and men – who want to create new dating app profiles or improve their existing profiles. We’ll meet with you, do a photoshoot, and help whip your profile into shape.

If you’re interested in being one of our five guinea pigs, please send a message through my contact page explaining why you deserve to be selected. You’ll hear back from us soon.